"i love you alot
just so you know....

i really respect your strength as a person"


now these
were the right words.

this quote from 28 days pretty much says it all.

"Gwen: Doesn't it hurt?
Andrea: Feels better.
Gwen : Than what?

to you:
i'm sorry, i really am sorry that all of a sudden with out any reason i stop calling you every day and stop acting like a good friend. i can't explain, i don't know what happened. i still care about you of course, and if you need me, i'm here! i'm here! just right now i need to sort out myself, by myself.
i love you!

the end


-======-

i need to be like....

i need (?) to stop...

i don't know what i want.
but i know what is right...

and i don't want what is right
right now.

short relationship
don't ask
i don't feel like lying


ugh stomach flu suck
should be better by tomorrow though.

applied to Emory and Henry and Roanoke College today. gotta send them stuff still tho.


my head hurts like mad.
and i still have to do that homework i procrastinated.
gawd my report card is going to suck.

i am so not getting into college.


House was awesome last night.
next week looks bettterrrr.

my mama's birthday tomorrow.
gotta make cake.

yeah i'm so boring today.


just normal freak outs about college.
and money.

been a few days huh?

and i really don't have anything to say!

well i do.

but i shouldn't say it here.

anyways
yesterday Christine and i hung out at the mall and then
omg in my truck AHA

we would have gone to see Dan in real life and then she woulda stayed the night (and omg) but her mom was a bitch and said NO.
fucka

gawd Britney Spears is so motherfucking stupid.

Stefan is in juvie. yeah really.
he's got 2 more weeks to prove he's changed.
so far he's losing.

i don't really want to be alone tho.
:/

i kinda like a couple people tho.
one i know likes me but doesn't want to settle down as of yet.
one idk if he does.
but he would be awesome to date. he's so friggen funny.

dunno what to do today with no school and all. might call up Tiabear and see if she wants to see a movie tonight. chyyyyeah.

because STILL haven't seen across the universe.
and i was the MOST anxious to see it to begin with!

and ohmy
monologues on friday were cool.
i did better than i thought i would.
and Kay's really hit me. she's really good at saying things the right way but the monologue its self was fucking...idk...but wow. i could just relate to it alot.


so my depression started acting up a little last week but i've been good. i took a pill feel just finnne. :D :D promise.

i think it was a lot to do with person A breaking person B's heart and then Person B rebounding on person C. then realizing that was a mistake!


OUTTA HERE.

halloween tomorrow...i'm stokkked. should be fun.


except its all DREW'S fault because now i'm paranoid that that person is hitting on meee. ew.


it was funny tho yesterday with Drew and Moo outside of starbucks. i wish she'd never gone to GSA. for my own selfish reasons though.

but thats about it. i'm stiiill not done with Reen's package. sorry!

but i'm out of here.
checkk it.

ack no one is online..



i'm at my dad's house. probaly leave here soon. i have a bit of homework to do. and theres nothing to do here. plus i think his g/f has been going behind me and looking at things i do on the computer. haha idkkk.

anyways its really cold in this room.

i wanna dye my hair and i want Lauren to do it. i'm just not totally sure what i want to do. i know i want to incorporate dark brown, blonde and orange-red.

halloweennnnn i'll be at the fire stasion doing the volunteer thing and i think thats going to be a lot of fun. we're going to be witches...i think we still need to go to party city too.


so omg it was funny. thursday after school Hannah and I went to starbucks in Mr.Wolf's truck. i drove it was hilarious becasue it was raining and we couldn't find the lights and stuff and then we changed his radio station and the brakes were aLOT different then in my bigger truck. so we almost died a few times. hahahahaaa and i took this awesome fedora hat from the costume closet and i looove it.


but yeah
i need to talk to someone tomorrow if i even see them at all.
i could call...but that would be more awkward.


anyways i hope this week is as fun as last week.
but thats all i really have to say.

thanks for the comment though H and Bri!
chow.
Niki

so fuck it.


yeaah


anyways
so glad to here we beat GR! sexy.

i'm in love with those soulja boy songs. fo' sho'...or something like that.
i wanna dye my hair but honestly it looks fine.

i worked from 5pm to almost 9pm last night and only made $28.

fuuuck thaat.

facebook is weird but apparently i'm "almost famous" and Brynna gave me hilarious superlatives.

i think we should vote Lauren most likely to become a stripper. for the year book... lol actually i am curious to see who gets superlatives.

thats all i have to say except my lip gloss tastes like cinnamon.

a lot of people had that silence for pro-life thing.

and you knwo it wasn't the actual opinion being exspressed that made me mad.
it was the actions of the people who were "silent"

i saw one person in particular who was still avidly communicating and if you ask me thats not the point of the silent protest.

((btw i'm prochoice but still i can appreciate the passion of prolifers)

anyways
i just think it would make more of an impact, get the point across more(the point being that these people are being silent for all the unborn babies who voices are unheard.)if they didn't communicate AT ALL. silent. no writing notes, no hand signals, no texting. nothing. that makes more sense. because a child killed by abortion can't speak, write, text or hand signal.

just think about it.


but i'm P-C anyways.
not pro abortion so if you say that to me shut up.

so i had tape that said "scream for choice"
because i think that if you're going to fight for something, silence isn't going to get you anywhere. you have to scream about it. you have to throw temper tantrums (riots rallies etc).

but to each his own. and i fully respect and admire everyone who expressed an opinion today.



--------
and to end

i really want and need this person to be mine.

PEACE.

yeah
getting there.
my dear friend Reeny posted a blog talking about growing up and maturing etc. and i want her to know she is not alone.
i won't get too deep into my previous inner dorkisms but i have noticed that lately i've been thinking more...adult like? sort of...yes gossip is still apart of my daily regime but then perhaps its not total Adultdom i've succumbed to but socializing does wonders for a girl. (but not so much for my job. apparently my boss is piiiiisssssed about all the time i've been taking off. think he'll fire me? i hope so!)
plus i've been very focused on my goals and future. don't get a Ph.D by just chatting online all day. nope. and i've actually...ok you may want to sit down this might come as a shock...but Studying has become part of my daily schedule.

and the dear dear muse. been slowly withering away. but i don't see that as bad. most of my creative writing came form those deep rather dark thoughts that invaded my mind much too often. if creative writing is the price i have to pay for my happiness, then thats a bargain.

anyways perhaps i should explain who my dear Reeny is to those who don't know.
she's my soul sister. yep thats pretty cheesy but its so true. hundreds of thousands of miles and this girl and i i have the deepest connection. we go through the same emotions together, same phases, same growth. beyond loving the same music or actors...its so hard to describe but its the most amazing thing anyone could ever experience. :)

speaking of friends though, i've noticed myself drifting away from some and connecting with others. so a yay and nay but part of life i suppose.

so i hurt my foot. :( don't know how exactly but i dread stage movement tomorrow. but i reallly want to dance tho. hopefully its better by tomorrow.

Tia's birthday thing was fun. we didn't get to go see Across the Universe so i'm Beatlesless still. bleh. try again next week i suppose.

gonna be busy this week. Dancing with the Stars and script readings with Mrs.Baker. won't be online at all probably until friday. unless i have homework.

well that being the case i'm gonna go download some songs and burn a cd.
adios.
te iubesc!!
Niki